Wet Nights in Kyoto

Kombanwa, fair readers. Steve here.

So: Our first night in Kyoto. We haven't seen any of the pretty parts of Kyoto yet, as we didn't arrive at the hostel until the afternoon, when most of the temples and such were nearing their closing times. And the walk between the train station and the hostel ain't pretty. Not skanky, just un-scenic.

Though if there WERE any pretty parts, we didn't see them through the thunderstorm downpour that attacked Kyoto this evening. The folks at K's House -- a thousand blessings upon their hospitality and fabulous English -- provide free umbrellas, and now we know why. We scurried along towards a restaurant for dinner, all the while trying to shrink, turtle-like, as far inside our umbrellas as possible. By the time we arrived, our complimentary neighborhood map was a handful of soggy shreds that might make good bedding for someone's pet rodent. Any takers?

We were tentatively planning to do the Philosopher's Walk tomorrow morning, but that ain't happening if this weather keeps up. Perhaps we somehow pissed off the rain gods at Sengen Shrine.

And now, a note on Japanese TV.

Really, it's mostly like ours. They have news shows, bright and loud kids' shows, educational documentary-type stuff, dramas, etc. However, they do have one genre that we Americans have yet to discover: The Show That Might Be a Game Show, But Possibly Not.

At any given time, there seem to be at least one or two of these shows playing. I understand virtually nothing of the dialogue, but they FEEL like game shows; the guests don't seem like professional actors, and there's clearly a minimum of set lines or rehearsal -- lots of ad-libbing and spontaneous laughter. However, the guests don't seem to be competing for anything. What they ARE doing is dressing up in startling outfits and doing things of inscrutable purpose. Whether they're doing it for fun or money, I cannot say.

An example: Our first night here, we watched a show I will entitle "The Cultural-Stereotypes-Eat-Difficult-Seafood Show." Seafood dishes ride along a conveyor belt, much like we've all seen in sushi restaurants, and in turn each...contestant (if that's what they are) tries to pick up a big, slippery chunk of fish with chopsticks and eat it without dropping it. This is attempted by Japanese people dressed up as:

1) The American: Pink business suit, Statue-of-Liberty tie, and (this is awesome) a fake big nose.

2) The Indian: White tunic and turban, also a fake big nose.

3) The Chinese: Red silk dress and hair in elaborate braids and buns. No fake nose.

4) The Mexican: Sombrero, poncho, and a bandito mustache (like those people always have).

5) The Russian: Black hat like a sack on his head, a blond wig reminiscent of an early-90s Hillary Clinton, and (again) a big fake nose.

6) The Japanese: Looking...well, really pretty normal in her kimono.

WHY are they doing this and WHY is it entertainment? I suppose the second question answers itself. We certainly enjoyed it, especially when the people burst into song before each seafood dish made the rounds. (Didn't understand the lyrics, of course, but the melody was that opera tune they used in the "Tony's" frozen pizza commercial. You know the one.) If only my language skills were better, I could shed more light on the situation and help American television catch up. Hell, we once occupied this whole country! How could we allow their TV to surpass ours? NICE ONE, Mr. Obama!

But patriotic indignation aside, I'd like to end this post on an amorous note. I shall elaborate: The lobby of our hostel in Kawaguchiko always had music playing, and it was almost always American pop tunes. However, before we bade farewell to Kawaguchiko, the hostel folks had decided to funk things up a little with some soul/R&B. To all the lovers out there, I give you this lyrical gem I overheard while perusing the restaurant flyers in the lobby:

     Your love is rated X;
     That means you're X-tra special, girl.

Happy loving, everyone. See you next post.